He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have post one night stand depression
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
