just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
