Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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