Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
