Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
