How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dick very happy bro
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
