youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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