Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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