There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
operation harelip BJ is a go
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
