I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
