I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
