You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
