We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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