$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize