Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
