I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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