we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
