i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
two words...techno handjob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
