dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
