I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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