Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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