It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
