i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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