if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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