I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
