its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
