Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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