I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
