my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
