I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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