Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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