I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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