So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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