dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize