currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
