great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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