I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
