I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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