After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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