Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
