i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drunk is a universal language darling
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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