I intend to get homeless drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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