i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
