before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
