get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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