Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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