is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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