god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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