Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
