Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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