Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize