community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize