That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
