i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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