i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
