a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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