I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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