with your own penis?
Where is the hickey?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
