Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
