She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
