I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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