Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
