Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
