no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ttyl tear gas
It's never too late to be topless.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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