you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
