the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
