names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
