I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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