took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
