I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
