just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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