I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
