to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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