so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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