i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
