Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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