i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
