Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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