Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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