Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
