Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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