you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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