The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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