I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
