Soap is not a condiment
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i now understand why vodka
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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