dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
3 2 1 whiskey
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
