you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You ruined the universe
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
