i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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