IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
