Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize