her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
