Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize