Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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