Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
