Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
