shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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