i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
