This girl is more easily done than said...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
