it wasn't lemon gatorade
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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