he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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