just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
