Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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