if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
