My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
